We attended the second night of Great Conversations for Boys Only last night. The boys both enjoyed it, though I don't know if it was uninterrupted time with their dad, or sitting in a lecture hall talking about girls and puberty and periods... Not quite as entertaining as the first night (no opera tonight), but packed with good information that was perfectly age-appropriate.
He mentioned a few of his favorite books:
- Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff (Jacquie Bailey)
- Getting to Calm - (Laura Kastner)
- A Child is Born (Lennart Nilsson)
- Secret Life of Teen Girls (Dakota Lang)
Couple of fun points:
He showed a chart of a woman's body, with ample breasts, and the reproductive system overlaid on the illustration. He had to point out that all of those things are inside the woman, that they're not tattooed on, or hanging outside like they do on men. Interesting thought, that there are big differences, beyond those that we think about every day. When it came to the breasts, he asked the boys what they were for. He made a great point that they're not just for selling beer, although they do a pretty good job doing that.
He also showed the boys chart from the previous class, and asked if anyone there was good at putting things together, like Lego's. Which then led to the discussion about reproduction.
A woman is born with all the eggs she'll ever have in her life, already made (though not mature). There are about 500,000 of them. Men, on the other hand, don't develop sperm until right before it's needed, about 100-200 million a day. Over-preparation? Or just have a few extra around just in case?
A good description of what happens when one sperm gets to an egg: The Batmobile going into shield mode, where the scales cover the whole thing and makes it impenetrable.
Only about half of men choose to cut the baby's chord when it's born. I thought it was kind of cool, but kind fo gross at the same time.
He made the point to parents there that kids listen, even when they are doing everything they can to show they're not. He makes it a point to keep talking, keep explaining things, especially values and beliefs.
He talked about peer pressure, and described it as two distinct kinds: 1) where your friends talk you into doing something you don't want to do; and 2) where you think your friends want you to do something or act some way, and you do it without them ever saying anything. Do your kids ever act a certain way because they think it's cool, and it turns out that nobody thought it was cool to start with?
As he talked about controversial topics, he made a clear point that he covers the facts, and that it's only the parent's place to cover values, beliefs, standards, and hopes for our children. He was always careful not to say something was "natural," or "kids should be sexually active by a certain age." A few times he asked us to talk to our kids about a question during the class. For example, he had us ask our kids when they thought they would be ready to be sexually active. My 13 year old though maybe 17 or 18. My 10 year old said 28 or 29. Good boys. :)
He said there are recent statistics that show that HALF of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned. Wow, that was amazing. We all need to do a better job talking about thoughts/actions/consequences.
He said that a MATURE BRAIN can do the following: 1) recognize future consequences. 2) choose between conflicting thoughts. 3) control feelings and impulses. A brain matures at around 25 years old.
He talked about sexuality, and made a really good point that it's a whole lot more than just sex. It involves identity, respect, status, values, love, health, peers, self-esteem, and, of course, bringing a child into a family.
He mentioned a few websites with some good information:
- www.siecus.org
- www.stayteen.org
- www.drugfree.org (teenage brain development)
- www.teenshealth.org
After the class, we had a little time to head to the University of Washington soccer field to kick the ball around. It was fun, until it got dark and we got kicked out. A great night with the boys, in the beautiful northwest.
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